When I first saw that this was the topic of this week's blog, I tried to put off writing it for as long as possible. Not because I didn't have the time or effort to, in fact I've tried to get myself to sit down and write this for a few nights now. However, every time I tried I ended up staring at my blank computer screen for way more time than I could allow myself to spend doing that. When we were asked this question on the first day of class I didn't have much of an answer for myself. This pushed me to decide that I'd know the answer by the end of EIE. But we're two weeks away from that and I still don't have a very clear understanding. I know that's not the answer I'm supposed to give, but let me explain a little further and maybe then it'll make sense. Not just to you, but maybe finally to me too.
I've called myself Jewish since the day I could speak. Why? I'm not so sure honestly. Maybe because my family is Jewish, maybe a little part of me believed in certain aspects of the religion, but realistically, I think it was due to being born in Israel. Like many other mostly secular Israeli families, we celebrated holidays and participated in traditions due to being part of a culture, not a religion. When we moved to America in 2005, my parents feared that my brother and I would lose the sense of a "Jewish" community from back home. However, we quickly connected with a few other Israeli families and made our own community. Life went on and I continued to call myself Jewish, not understanding the connotation.
December 26, 2011, my family and I boarded a plane to Houston, TX where we would be living from that day forward. With our blood related family across the world, and our second family now across the country, we felt a bit stranded. My mom began to seek out a new community for us. She came across Congregation Beth Shalom of The Woodlands, where I have spent almost every Sunday morning for the past almost 5 years. My first Sunday there, was the first time I stepped into a congregation as a member. Immediately I felt out of place. There were second graders who knew more prayers and more about Jewish history than I did. This pushed me to get involved with the youth group. I realized that what I need in a Jewish community is the people, not the ideology. I joined NFTY as well which has become a tremendous part of my life over the past 3 years.
That was pretty much the position I left Texas in when I embarked on this journey. Being here has brought back an abundance of feelings. Most of all, it's reminded me where I came from. Many people connect to עם ישראל with their Judaism. I've come to realize that Judaism simply isn't my connection. I connect by having my childhood begin here. I connect by speaking the language. I connect by understanding and having that dark Israeli sense of humor. And tonight, on Yom Hazikaron, I felt more connected than ever. I looked around and saw tears streaming down people's faces. then I touched a hand to my own and I realized there was a tear rolling down my cheek as well. I realized that a year from now, I'll be in the IDF. I'll be fighting every day to protect this connection that I cherish so deeply. I connect by being a member of not only Am Israel, but Ertez Israel as well. This is home to me. I'm so incredibly thankful for the past 4 months I got to spend in the place that I feel most at home in. More than anything, I am beyond grateful to be leaving here with way more questions than answers, and I can't wait to figure these things out, one at a time, hopefully back here, at home.
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